Badass Tales: Everybody in St. Vincent Knows.

The USS Billy Badass pulled into St. Vincent, the Grenadines and gave the crew maximum liberty. Ensign Edmund Tweed, Master Chief Petty Officer Billy "Goat" Bones and Seaman "Simple" Sailor ambled down the pier to the local watering hole, The Indigo Lory, and ordered some Hairoun lagers. They asked the bartender about the dreadlocked gentleman sitting in the shadows at the end of the bar. The bartender replied: "That's Joe, Joe Ninskyinsky. Everybody knows Joe Ninskyinsky!" They walked up to Joe and asked him about the local attractions. Joe said: "come with me gents. I have some business to take care of but I promise you a day to remember!" So after a couple or six of Hairoun lagers, they stepped out of the bar. Joe headed back to the harbor. A very large yacht had tied up at the pier behind the Badass. It was Aristotle Onassis' Cristina! Joe walked up the gangplank and was stopped at the top by a big burly bodyguard. "What do you want?" he asked. "Its me, Joe, Joe Ninskyinsky, everybody knows Joe Ninskyinsky!", replied Joe. "Why Joe Ninskyinsky! How have you been!" Said the bodyguard, "let me call Mr. Onassis, he'll be very happy to see you!" The sailors looked at each other in disbelief as Mr. Onassis came down from his cabin, greeted Joe with a big hug and a couple of cheek kisses and invited them all aboard for lunch. After a couple of hours, after lunch was finished and a few glasses of chilled ouzo, Joe got up, asked the sailors to come along, hugged Ari, and explained that he had some business to take care of. "No probs Joe", said Onassis. "Come and see me anytime!" Joe said, "follow me boys!" and they stepped off the gangplank and headed to the airport. At the airport, they saw a very large airplane parked on the tarmac. They recognized Air Force One. Joe walked up to the first secret service agent he saw, and said: "can you ask President Reagan to come down? Tell him Joe, Joe Ninskyinsky is here. Everybody knows Joe Ninskyinsky!" The secret service man was very alarmed at first, but when he heard the name, he exclaimed: "of course Mr. Ninskyinsky!" At that moment Nancy peeked out the airplane's door, saw Joe, and said: "Joe! Joe Ninskyinsky! Why come on up for some tea and bring your friends! Ronnie will be so happy to see you!" The sailors looked at each other in disbelief as they went up the boarding steps, and joined Nancy and Ronnie for some tea and cookies. After an hour of conversation, Joe stood, explained he had some business to attend to, hugged Nancy and Ronnie, and told the men to come along. They walked down the boarding steps, shook hands with the secret service agents, and headed to the ferry landing. They took the ferry to Hotel Island, and were stopped by a couple of Swiss Guards in full ceremonial attire. The first guard asked them what they were doing... Joe said: "could you please get Pope John? I have an audience with him. Tell him it's Joe, Joe Ninskyinsky. Everybody knows Joe Ninskyinsky!" "Of course Mr. Ninskyinsky, he is waiting for you, please come this way", said the first guard. "Your friends must wait here until the private mass starts." The sailors looked at each other in disbelief as they waited at the gate with the second guard. After 15 minutes or so, the first guard came back, and asked them to come with him. They walked into a large banquet hall, and as they sat down at a table with other guests, the Pope walked out, saying "Dominus vobiscum" and right behind was Joe Ninskyinsky, saying "Pax vobis". The sailors looked at each other in disbelief. Seaman Sailor turned to the woman seated next to him and said: "Amazing!" She said: "Isn't it though! That Joe Ninskyinsky is something else! ... But who is the guy in the funny hat next to him?" ... (A piece of lore provided by Tom Schimoler)