Badass Tales: Missilex 2-82

From the logbook of the USS Billy Badass:
0635: depart Roosevelt Roads, P.R. enroute Central Caribbean for Missilex 2-82.
0700: secure sea and anchor detail.
Course 200, speed 13kts.
1800: rendezvous with USS Johnny B. Goode and USS Joe Ninskyinsky in Central Caribbean.
1825: assumed station 1000 yards astern of the Goode and 1000 yards ahead of Ninskyinsky. Set condition zebra below decks. Main deck forward clear of all personnel.
1845: Goode is Alpha Whiskey. 
1846: AC contact with Trapper01. Target in tow.
1850: STIR lock on target in tow. Weapons free.
1851: bird away!
1852: bird malfunction. Self destruct malfunction. Bird looping overhead. All ahead flank.
(Seaman Sailor standing watch in CIC on the surface scope hears the missile woosh overhead 3 or 4 times. Those not on watch and sightseeing topside rush back into the ship attempting to take cover from the imminent impact of the errant missile. The ship jumps forward as the engines respond to the signal for flank speed, but suddenly, lurches two or three times, headway is lost and the ship comes to a full stop, dead in the water. The missile hits the water about 100 yards from the now immobile ship, bounces twice and comes to rest 25 yards from the port beam.)
1855: Missilex cut short for investigation into missile malfunction.
1900: signal from the Ninskyinsky: "Badass de Ninskyinsky. Whiskey-tango- foxtrot break Nice shot break Please maintain at least 2000 yards from Ninskyinsky, over".

End of log entries.

1910: wags from various of the ship's departments gather in the Combat System department lounge to serenade the Fire Control Technicians and Gunners Mates of CS-3 division. 

(Sung to the tune of
"The Ballad of the Green Berets")
"Our FTs are something else,
They shoot missiles at themselves,
As the sailors hit the deck,
It's another vein on the XOs neck!"

(This story is based on actual events. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.)