The USS Billy Badass pulled into Livorno, Italy and gave the crew maximum liberty. The skeleton crew on duty didn't notice a chimpanzee, escaped from a nearby zoo, crawl up the mooring lines and up to the smokestack. Down the stack, it made its way into the engine room. It came across a power panel opened up for maintenance, couldn't read the warning signs, and with a bright blue blast shorted out the ship's electrical system, and plunged it into darkness.
A little bit later, Seaman "Simple" Sailor and Master Chief Petty Officer Billy "Goat" Bones wander down with their flashlights, looking for the problem. They come upon the blackened body of the chimp. They shine their flashlights on its long, burnt arms. They look at each other. They highlight its short legs and odd feet. They look at each other. Finally Master Chief Bones says to Seaman Sailor, "Well, it's too hairy to be an Electonics Technician, the legs are too short for a Hull Tech, and there would be more tattoos on a Bosuns Mate. Call the wardroom to see if Ensign Tweed is missing."
(This story is based on nautical lore.)
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